more than this...

so...lately...1 thought that runs through my mind is "there has to be more than this..." this will pop into my head at random times, mostly while i am at work. but it does hopin there at other times too. so i am trying to figure out what "more" is. i think my time off will allow me to answer that question. i was listening to a podcast today from willow (im not addicted to podcasts, and now i have time to be addicted to them...hehe) anyways so i was listenting to this podcast and something that the speaker said was "your true passion is found where you are happiest..." now anyone can say well im happiest on the couch so thats my passion..but thats selfish, i was having a conversation with a friend at church a few weeks ago about my plans and i explained how empty and unfulfilled i felt at my job and how i wanted to work purely for God for a change....money is nice it buys us nice things...BUT when we work out of love and compassion for God...He fills us up with this undescribable feeling and that is all we need to live off of. and that is something i haven't felt in full force since high school when i was going on missions trips and working more with the homeless in south bend. there is just something awesome that happens there...lately while working at 2nd saturday and then helping stuff potatoes into bags..i started to feel that fulfillment again and i long to feel it more..i saw this again at my aunts funeral last wednesday. she never had much. but my aunt glowed with Christ's love and she never let what she did not have hinder her, rather used the love and the life God has blessed her with and touched numerous lives. She literally died with nothing...just a few items of clothing...a purse...and it really made me think...she had discovered something and had dug into that...none of our earthly possessions go to heaven with us, when we die...all that we have materialistically in a sense vanishes...people forget what we had, people will remember how you treated them...and again the stories i heard...my aunt nailed it on the head...all she needed she had in Christ...and she shared that...i want to be more like her...and i have so much...after her funeral i went into my room and just stared at my closet...i have SO MANY material things...my job has provided these things over the years...but they are all things i don't need...well i need clothes but i don't need the same shirt in 5 colors...or the same pair of flip flops in every color made...but thats where my energy i spent at work got poured into...and i dont want that anymore..i want something more...by having this time...im going to be able to focus more on God...more on God's work...more on the direction i am led to...there just has to be more than this...