sick...tears...i'm random i know this

so tuesday it all starts i start to get the oh so wonderful feeling of being sick...i made it to bed by 8:30 as if i could somehow stop it from happening...well wednesday i felt awful but brushed it off went to work a dentist appointment and back to work...then my boss told me i felt feverish and sent me home which is where i have been the past 2 and a half days, ive beem having awful sleep and from 3:30 on wednesday until 9:am on thursday i pretty much slept with the exception of getting up to go to the bathroom or get water...and with the help of nyquil. it was much needed rest as life is hectic for me right now.

i wont go into too many details here but ive had another sort of struggle with God this week...ive been holding onto something i needed to let go into His hands but i felt that if i did id lose control, when in reality i had no control over it to begin with...but somehow my little mind thought that by holding on to it i would have some sort of control..its human nature i think, we want to fix everything, at least i know thats my nature...anyways i let go yesterday afternoon in a tearful and very emotional fit, the weird thing was, I could feel God there with me...i could feel Him wrapping me up close to Him and as i looked down at my Bible pages...my tears were not hitting them...they kind of dissovled i guess, it was as if God was catching them and holding them close to His heart. i have to say it was the most awesome moment i have had with God in a long time...never think u are all alone because God is there each step of the way with you not watching over you but walking with you.

and lastly this is why my sister does all the ipod stuff...somehow in the process of adding 1 tv show i deleted all 2000 songs off of my ipod....:-( yes i was quite saddened but i am now in the process of syncing the ipod with my itunes music library so hopefully in a few minutes all will be well again...but for a moment i almost vomited....thats a lot of music to just disappear...i think from now on i will let the HB handle all my music/ipod stuff...its just safer that way.

ok time to go watch my 1st downloaded tv show Law and Order SVU :-)